[Meredith] Paranoia...
...gives you an edge in the OR.
What l realize is that Peds is the only specialty where l could do it all:
Cardio, General, Ortho. lt's like the whole body is your canvas.
The fact that it's a small canvas makes it even more challenging.
l have no idea if you have someone on your service.
But l would love to witness your artistry.
You got this? You gotta like kids.
- l love kids. - OK. l'll see you on rounds.
Great.
[Alex] He lost a huge chunk of flesh. l see down to his mandible.
We'll need Plastics and an ENT consult.
Left lV looks like it's clotted off. l need a 1 6-gauge.
- [all shouting] - Whoa! What's going on?
lt's four in the morning. ls everyone on call?
lt's the merger. Everyone's scared to go home.
[Owen] Don't think the chief meant people couldn't sleep.
Hard when your job's on the line.
One of you, get as much type-specific blood as they'll let you have
- and meet us in surgery. - l got it!
[Meredith] Surgeons play out worst-case scenarios in their heads.
l talked to Callie last night about the residents at Mercy West.
She said they don't suck.
You're safe 'cause of Derek, lzzie's safe 'cause of cancer.
Alex is Bailey's new favorite. Even George would have been spared
'cause he's Owen's guy. Cardio has been a revolving door.
- No one's got my back. - So Arizona is your cover?
She's merger-proof. She keeps kids alive.
No one likes a dead kid.
Plus, they're under anesthesia half the time. How bad can it be?
[Meredith] You're ready to close, you got the bleeder.
You know it, but there's that voice in your head asking...
Sloan and Shepherd are scrubbing out of surgery in OR Two.
Grab 'em before they leave.
Let me know if you hear about the merger.
Nurses are always the last to know, first to go.
...what if you didn't?
What if the patient dies and you could have prevented it?
[lzzie] Oh, Alex.
What do you think? Looks real, right? My mom sent it to me.
- Well, what are you doing here? - Working.
lz, we talked about this. You're supposed to take another three weeks,
- resting up. - l have to come back now
before l don't have a job to come back to.
- lz... - l have to show l'm not gonna die.
Unless l sit alone in that trailer, then l am gonna die.
- l'm gonna die of boredom. - lzzie...
Seriously, looks real, right?
lf you didn't know l have cancer, you wouldn't know l have cancer, right?
[Meredith] So you check your work one more time before you close.
Paranoia is a surgeon's best friend.
- Karev, what do you got? - 1 6-year-old helmeted dirt bike victim.
GCS 1 5 reported before intubation.
OK, on my count. Ready? One, two, three.
- [all grunt] - l'm gonna scrub in.
So he announces the merger and shuts himself in his office all day
- and refuses to talk. - This merger won't affect us.
- lt's financial restructuring. - What do you think it is?
Cutting personnel. Prepared to lose all the good people? l'm not.
He's good to go. l'll write a consult later. l'm gonna talk to Richard now.
You're tired, you're angry, you'll say something you'll regret.
Get out of here for a while. Go to the driving range.
- l have surgery in an hour. - Take a walk.
- Grab Meredith, take a walk. - Meredith won't leave the hospital.
None of them will. Everyone's awaiting word.
Look, don't tell me Lexie's not worried.
ls he in here? 'Cause l've got the blood!
- No, Lexie's worried. - [Derek sighs]
l think you missed a spot.
You can't tease me about the blood thing, because it's not funny.
lf it gets back to the chief, l may as well pack my things.
Stop worrying about the chief. All this is in your head.
Really? 2002, Milwaukee. Third Street Hospital merged with St. Anne's.
Thirteen residents were let go. 2004, Nashville Women's absorbed Memorial.
Nine residents were fired. 2006, Albuquerque.
- OK. - Nineteen residents.
Whoa, stop. You need to pull yourself together.
You deserve to be here. Act like it.
OK.
l meant later, you know, after you went home and got some sleep.
You know, we should get some sleep before rounds.
Sleep is for wimps. Sleep is for Mercy West residents.
Let's fit in another trauma before rounds.
Don't say anything about the wig.
l'm back. Yes, l am early, but whatever. l'm back.
And because l've been gone so long,
the first trauma that comes through those doors, it's mine. Got it?
lt's amazing, right?
- What? - What's amazing?
- The wig. - lt looks so real, l couldn't tell.
l've always wanted to be a redhead, so l thought now's the time.
- [Alex] What's wrong with your hair? - lt's peach fuzz chemo hair.
l wanted to put my patients at ease, make them comfortable.
She looks like a Stepford wife. Tell her.
She can't handle it. Just don't stare.
- MVC, who do l have? - l got it! l can do it!
l'm not your chief resident. Figure it out.
[all shouting]
- Karev, let's go. - Oh.
[distant siren blares]
- You're back. - l am.
- My mom's whole church prayed for you. - Thank you.
- lt looks really real. - l know, right?
- We need to talk. - l'm busy right now.
- Are you making cuts? - l said l'm busy.
lf you're making cuts, consult with me.
When appropriate, l'll consult the people l need to.
l'm not people. l saved your ass.
When Jennings came to me, you were done. Out of loyalty to you...
You came to me so you'd look like a good guy before you stole my job.
- Are you making cuts or not? - l said when l'm ready to tell
my staff about decisions l'll be making, l will! When l'm ready!
So don't come barging in here like l owe you! l don't owe you a damn thing!
You work for me. l'm still the chief of surgery at this hospital.
Then start acting like it.
[door opens, slams shut]
Jodie Crowley, 60-year-old driver who lost consciousness
and hit a parked car. Vital signs stable. Complains of abdominal pain.
lt wasn't a parked car. They hit us.
- Sir, who are you? - Who am l? Who are you?
- He's my son. - Go in the waiting room.
No! He needs to stay with me. He's a paranoid schizophrenic.
OK.
All right, let's put her on a gurney on my count.
One, two, three.
Listen. They're trying to get to me through you. Believe me.
Tom, they're not real. Look at me. Look at me, honey.
Did you feel dizzy or light-headed before the crash?
- No, l felt fine. - Abdominal tenderness. l feel a mass.
l've had it for quite a while. Maybe that caused me to black out.
They're trying to hurt her. She won't believe me.
Tom, look at me. You know l wouldn't lie to you.
No. No! You have to believe me. Someone has to believe me.
Aliens have impregnated my mother.
The chief was spotted five hours ago in the cafeteria again. Apple and yogurt.
Then he met with Dr. Shepherd, brief and heated.
- Drew the blinds. Probably sleeping. - Speculation. We have no proof.
You'd make a good lawyer. lf this doesn't work out.
Ouch.
- OK, Dr. Yang, ready for rounds? - Yes. Oh, um...
Continue with your course of treatment. Keep me updated on new developments.
- You know, you don't look ready. - No, l'm ready.
l looked over your patient charts. l notice you have a shockwave lithotripsy
scheduled for kidney stones this morning. l was... um...
l've never done one. l'm looking forward to it.
OK. Now, you're ready.
- Oh. - Come on, let's go.
OK, how long have you had the growth?
Can you cover the clock? The number five bothers him.
Yeah. Can you get something to cover the clock?
Are those cameras?
Tommy, what do we need from the store?
- Why won't they leave me alone? - Do we need fruit?
[Tom] Yeah, why won't you leave me alone?
What kind of fruit do we need? Tom, what kind of fruit?
Um... Apples, pears...
- ...strawberries? - Make a list.
Could you give him a pencil and some paper?
He needs something to distract him from the voices.
Ma'am, the growth.
Oh, uh... Yeah. l'm sorry. l've had it for a while.
l've been meaning to get it checked, but, as you can see,
my son's illness is a full-time job.
Karev, l need you to get Mr. Crowley's wrist X-rayed
- while l get her up to MRl. - Can't one of these fetuses baby-sit?
- lf that's a triple-A, l want in. - l can do the wrist.
- Dr. Karev has more experience. - The patient is paranoid,
and hyper-vigilant. He'll pick up that Dr. Karev doesn't want to be here.
He may interpret that as Dr. Karev being out to get him.
l aced my Psych clerkship.
- Hey. How'd it go with the chief? - Hey.
- Richard's not talking to me. - What? Why?
l don't know. He's just... He's not himself.
- What's he doing? - He's hiding out. How you holding up?
You've been up for, like, 36 hours?
Forty-eight. l'm good, actually. l feel like... it's all gonna be OK.
We're all gonna keep our jobs and be amazing people, live amazing lives.
[chuckles] Unstable childhood. l get calm in a crisis.
- This is a crisis, right? - l don't know.
l don't know what this is.
Oh, look who's coming.
Oh, um, Dr. Yang, have you seen Sage?
- [Sage giggles] - She's six.
Light brown hair. Blue eyes. She had a tumor removed from her belly
so she has a bandage on her tummy.
Hey, check under the bed. Maybe she's there.
[Sage giggles]
- Her labs are better than we expected. - Uh, she's not under the bed.
Huh. Whoa. l... Maybe try the bathroom.
- Maybe she slipped in there. - [Sage giggles]
- How'd she do last night, she sleep? - [woman] She did. l didn't.
- Bathroom's clear. - [Sage giggles]
Wait, shh. Shh shh shh.
l think that there's something coming from your pocket.
ls Sage inside your pocket?
No, no. She's hiding here.
- Gotta look in your pocket first. - No, l don't. l found you already.
- l need to check your incision site. - Don't touch it. lt hurts.
l bet that Mr. Bear would like to see Sage's scar.
Wouldn't you, Mr. Bear?
Oh, um...
[very deep voice] Yes, l would. [clears throat]
Dr. Stevens.
Surprised to see you back so soon. You look great.
- Thank you. So do you. - How you feeling?
- l feel great. How do you feel? - What l meant...
l know what you mean. l feel fine. l'm ready to work.
Here is Mr. Trinidad's latest pre-op labs. l told him you'd say hello
before the surgery. Unless there's anything else l need to know,
- l was gonna get his consent form. - That pretty much covers it.
- Unless anybody has any questions. - Can you tell us about the merger?
Because l'm having a baby. l mean, my wife is having a baby.
Resident Megan is having a baby. l mean, am l gonna lose my job?
Right now, l'm concerned about my patient.
You should be, too.
- l just got my hair cut. - Oh. lt looks nice.
The nurse out there with the red hair is laughing at me.
You tell her l just got it cut, they cut it too short.
- That's why my ears are sticking out. - She's not laughing at you.
How's that feel?
lt feels like my hand is falling off.
Feels like...
...they put something in it to make my hand fall off.
Like snakes or something.
You don't have a nametag.
Um... Oh, l... l guess l don't.
The other doctor had a nametag on her coat.
- l had to change my lab coat. - Think l'm an idiot?
You're working for them. Got my mother, you're trying to get me. Stay away!
l keep telling you people! Stay away from us!
l called security. They're on their way.
Where's Psych? l asked you to page them an hour ago.
l paged them twice. Wanna see the log book?
l wanna know how a paranoid patient got out of the ER. Where were you?
l stepped away from my desk to deal with another patient.
Normally, being a punching bag for doctors is a part of the job.
There's a merger, we're all being looked at.
l'm not about to go down for a mistake that wasn't mine.
So, if you'll excuse me, l'll page Psych again.
OK, Mr. Trinidad, your shunt revision is pretty simple.
Shouldn't take longer than an hour,
but l do need to go over the possible complications with you.
- Dr. Stevens, could l have a word? - Give me a minute until l'm done.
l'm sorry. This'll only take a minute.
Excuse me.
- What? - How are you holding up?
- Fine. - Take your meds?
- Not yet, but l will. - Supposed to take them at nine.
- lt's only a little after nine. - lt's 1 0:1 5.
Run down to her locker and get her meds. Are they in your purse?
- Yes, but you don't have to get them. - Yes, you do.
- No, you don't! Alex! - l swear to God,
if you don't go and get her pills now,
l'm gonna hurt you and l'm gonna like it.
You can't do this. You can't treat me like l'm sick.
My patients need to have faith in me. What are you doing?
- Your wig was crooked. - Ow!
[sighing] l'll stop hovering if you stop acting like an idiot.
Your next pill is at 2:00. You can't take it on an empty stomach.
OK.
Tyler Lee, nine years old, came in with renal colic three days ago
that has not resolved. We're going to perform
extracorporeal shockwave therapy today to break up stones in his ureter
- so they can pass. - No, we're not.
- Oh, uh, yes, we are. - No, we're not.
There was no blood in his urine this morning.
Just in case, we should do the procedure. Just in case?
You want to do a surgical procedure on a nine year old
even though it's no longer indicated?
- No. Of course not. - OK.
So Dr. Yang, wanna tell the good news to Tyler and his mom?
lt seems as though your son's stones may have passed on their own.
- He doesn't need surgery? - No. Looks like he healed himself.
Can you believe that? On your first day in Peds.
- No, l can't, actually. - Does this mean l can eat?
Yeah. Dr. Yang will get you something.
[Bailey] An abdominal aortic aneurysm, 8.7 centimeters.
This has a 75 percent chance of rupturing.
- She's a ticking time bomb. - l'm surprised she woke up,
let alone got into a car. OK, cancel all of my elective surgeries
this afternoon and book an OR. We need to get her in there ASAP.
OK, Jodie, we're done. l'll meet you downstairs to go over the results.
- Have you seen Tom? - l thought he was with you.
He was, but he left. He attacked me and left.
He...? You told me you could handle this.
No, it's under control. Don't worry. l called security.
l thought maybe his mom would have an idea...
His mom has a triple-A. The last thing she needs to know
is that her mentally ill son is loose in the hospital!
l know this is bad. This is really, really bad.
l'm gonna stop listening because the words you are saying are hurting me.
- Find him! - Yes.
- You look crazy. - This is partly your fault.
You're the one who told me to go act like l deserve to be here. l did!
Now, l lost a schizophrenic and l am gonna be fired
- unless l find the schizophrenic! - You're not gonna find him back there.
You do not get to be charmed by this, because this is not charming!
This is me getting cut from the program!
You're already amazing. l'm just starting out!
OK? l've never stapled a bowel and l've never resected an esophagus!
- l am not amazing yet! - All right. Let's just breathe.
- [hyperventilating] - And again. Good.
Look at me. Security is on this.
You have become a crazy person l do not recognize. l want Lexie back.
- Can l get Lexie back? - [Tom] Stay away from me!
- Oh, God, that's him. - Just...
[Tom] Where's my mother? What have you done with her? No!
- Sir! - [Tom grunting]
Mrs. Crowley, there's evidence your son may have suffered
some injury in this fall. We don't think it's bad,
but we need to do an ultrasound to make sure.
He's been sedated, but l need you to wait here until we're completed.
- All right? - l never should have left him alone.
- l knew it. l knew it. - OK, Mrs. Crowley,
l need to talk to you about your test results.
The wall of your aorta is dangerously thin and could burst at any moment.
And when that happens, it will most likely kill you.
l'm not mincing my words now because l need you to understand the severity.
l need to take you up to surgery right now.
l can't. l can't have surgery right now.
l can't leave Tom. He's injured, he's upset,
this has been a rough day on him. l can't. No.
- lt'll have to wait. - lsn't there someone you can call?
No. My ex-husband left when Tom first got sick
and friends have fallen away. lt's only me.
We have services. We can arrange...
l can't just leave him with a stranger.
l need time.
To hire someone and train them,
to know that if he's watching TV and holding his head a certain way,
it means the television is talking to him and he needs to be distracted.
He likes shopping, but they can't take him to the place on Lee Road
because he thinks they're out to get him.
They have to go to the place on River Road,
but they've gotta park in the back because underground parking
makes him upset, and it goes on and on and on.
So no, please.
l need time.
A week. l've made it this long, l can make it another week.
l'm not sure that you have another week.
l need you to think about yourself right now.
l have a mentally ill son.
l don't get to think of just myself anymore.
Hey! Whoa, what are you doing here?
l was just, um...
Uh... l just stopped by to get some old case files.
- For what? - Um, this job opening in Portland.
- Oregon? - Yeah.
The merger. l mean, the chief already got rid of me once, so...
[distant clattering]
Yeah, no, that's smart, smart of you to have a backup.
[clears throat, mumbles indistinctly]
Hey, l'm working with Cristina. She's interested in Peds.
- [chuckles] No, she isn't. - Yeah, she is.
- OK. - Did she say something to you?
She doesn't have to. She's Cristina.
Help me out here. l don't know what that means.
l shouldn't say anything. She's my roommate.
And you're my girlfriend. Girlfriend trumps roommate. Fine.
She's Cristina. She's all about Cardio. So she's probably sucking up to you
to get through the merger.
ls she good with the kids?
She's sucking up.
Yeah. [chuckles]
[sighs]
- Nice pin. - His name is Mr. Bear.
- He eats children. - Not having fun in Peds?
Well, my kid wants chocolate pudding really badly. This is the last one.
My triple-A got cancelled. You guys got any surgeries l can get in on?
- l'm on post-ops and she's babysitting. - l can't stand it any longer.
Can't you go to the chief and use your dead mommy to get answers?
We don't need dead mommy. We are going to be fine.
l let a crazy man escape and he fell down a flight of stairs.
- ls it surgical? - Don't know. l got kicked off the case.
So then l went to watch a surgery. l figure l can't screw that up.
The second l get to the gallery, the shunt starts bleeding.
l left before Shepherd could blame me.
- Shepherd's shunt went bad? - They converted to open craniotomy.
Something l'll probably never get a chance to do.
- She can't handle a craniotomy. - Even he sees it.
He's not talking about you. He's talking about lzzie.
l really admire you. ln case l get cut and don't get a chance to tell you.
Plus, you're really pretty.
You can have the rest.
And you and l, we were getting so close.
l need to speak with Dr. Stevens, please.
- Alex, l'm in surgery. - lzzie.
Alex, leave.
Dr. Shepherd, could you please tell Dr. Karev to leave?
- Karev. - She gets tired walking to the mailbox.
- She can't handle a five-hour surgery. - l know what l can handle.
No one's gonna think less of you if you walk out of here.
- Walk out now. - Have this conversation outside.
No. l'm not leaving. Alex!
You paged me. What's going on?
You have to tell the chief you need me.
That George was your guy, but he died so you need a new guy and that's me.
- OK? Right now. Go, go, go. - Come on.
- lf anyone's safe, it's you. - Be casual but firm. He likes you.
- Cristina! - l played hide and seek today
and didn't go to surgery because a nine-year-old miraculously peed
without blood. l can't do this anymore.
Tell Dr. Robbins you don't think Peds is your thing. What's the big deal?
The big deal is that the chief is in there making a list.
- You don't know that. - Who stays and who goes,
- and l can't be on that ''goes'' list. - You'll deal with it.
[mumbles] lf l am? There can be no ''if''. l have to be on the ''stays'' list.
That list is everything, that list is my future,
- my salvation. The list is life. - Calm down.
Schindler's List? You're comparing this merger to the Holocaust?
- l'm Jewish. l'm allowed. - You're irrational.
[pager beeping]
- So this is a no? - This is a no.
- Somebody page Sloan again stat! - [woman] Right away, doctor.
OK, Elizabeth, take me through exactly what happened.
l was doing a crash C-section on this 32-weeker.
Had the incision done in five minutes flat, but l must have cut too deep
because when l went in to take the baby, l pulled the arm...
- Oh, my God! - Get me the umbilical cord.
- Umbilical cord? - Just get it!
- l got it. l got the umbilical cord. - [Arizona] Get me five centimeters.
- What's going on? - Arm got damaged during a stat C.
l'm gonna use the umbilical artery if it's viable.
lt looks a little dry.
- Looks like it's gonna work. - She's stable.
Let's put it in antibiotic solution and move this party to the OR.
l'm sorry, l just... l wanted to make sure you were OK.
Are you OK?
l injured my spleen,
and they're just waiting to see if it stops bleeding on its own.
Good.
l'm glad. You seem...
Well, you seem better and l'm glad.
Anyway, l should... l should go. l'm not supposed to be here, so...
lt's all right. They got me in restraints.
l wouldn't be able to hurt you even if the voices told me to.
lt's a joke.
Schizophrenia humor.
Um... There's this thought that l'm trying to get it out,
and l keep thinking that they planted a camera
in my stomach during the ultrasound. l was gonna wake my mother
and have her talk me down, but...
She's tired.
Here is... your spleen.
See? And this bright spot right here, that's blood.
That's not supposed to be there. But...
...no camera.
- No camera. - Mm-mm.
l can leave this up if you want.
So that when the thoughts come back,
you can look and see that they're not real.
They're just scary thoughts. They're not real.
Thank you.
- A little more suction. - [knocking]
lt's 2:00, lzzie.
- Oh, my God. - No more fighting in my OR.
Go deal with this.
- l hate you. - Shut up.
OK.
God...
- Thank you. - Shut up. Get back to work.
Has Mrs. Crowley agreed to the surgery?
No. She's gonna go home and she's gonna die.
- What's that boy gonna be left with? - He needs surgery.
Does he need a transfusion? ls there active bleeding?
No, his crit's stable. l know we don't operate unless there's an active bleed,
but it's so close and if we operate on him, maybe she'll let us operate on her.
We can keep them together through the surgery,
through recovery, they'll be together. Maybe you think this is bad,
l'm proposing unnecessary surgery, maybe you'll tell the chief,
he'll think it makes me a bad doctor, but it makes me a good doctor.
- Stop talking. - Are my words hurting you again?
No. You're right.
lt's a good idea.
[Mark] How does this happen? Was Chen just not paying attention?
[Arizona] She made a mistake.
[Cristina] Wrong time to make a mistake, with the merger.
[Mark] You people need to stop with doom and gloom merger scenarios.
l read that the hospital's revenues went up last quarter.
Except for elective procedures which went down 1 3 percent.
You mean elective procedures like plastic surgeries.
- You're saying l'm gonna get fired? - No one is safe.
- l'm safe. - How can you be sure?
Hey! We're about to reattach a baby's arm.
We need to stop thinking about the merger and think instead
about this girl throwing a ball, holding a spoon and waving bye-bye.
No, l'm not letting you cut me open.
You're gonna put a camera in me. You're... You are one of them.
- OK, Mrs. Crowley... - No. He's scared. He said no.
Tom, you need this surgery.
And you will feel better after it. And your mom...
Your mom's surgery will save her life.
OK. Look...
Tom, look at me. Look at me.
l am not an alien. l am not one of them.
My name is Miranda Bailey. l have a three-year-old son.
And l would do anything for him.
Just like your mom would do anything for you.
Now, she needs you to do this for her.
Otherwise, she will die and you will be alone.
Look, see? Red.
Red blood.
See, l'm human.
l am a doctor and l want to help you and your mom.
But you have to trust me.
[Mark] OK. l think we're there.
[Arizona] lf it pinks up, we've done our job right.
Releasing the bulldog clamps. Here we go.
That's how l know my job is safe, Dr. Yang.
Because l reattach babies' arms.
lt's not a good idea to piss off your attending.
l didn't know he was upset. l'll apologize.
- l wasn't talking about him. - Sorry?
l like kids and l like their parents, and l like to see them smile.
l like going to get them pudding and playing games with them
because it makes attaching their arms way more fun. l don't like being used.
- l wasn't... - l like being lied to even less.
What do we need from the store, sweetheart?
Tell me what we need from the store.
Apples, pears, strawberries.
Pears, apples...
- What if l don't make it? - You don't worry about that.
OK? Let me do that.
Let's go.
OK. Bleeding's stopped.
Let's close up.
- Stevens, scrub out. - No, l'm fine. l'm your resident.
Someone else can close up. You've been on your feet for five hours.
- You look exhausted. - l'm not.
You're dripping with sweat.
You know what? Just take my wig off.
Just take it off! Take it off.
Just pat down my head. [panting]
OK. Just put the cap back on.
Thank you.
l'm fine.
lsobel Stevens spent five hours on her feet in surgery today,
not because she was ready, but because she's scared.
She's scared for her job, and she was scared to show weakness.
You don't have to talk to me. But you need to talk to your people.
- They need to hear from you. - Don't tell me about my people!
l have been here for 30 years, Derek. l know my people.
l have spent every hour of the last three days
trying to save every job l could. But tough choices had to be made.
HR is sending an e-mail to the first round of people to be let go.
- Richard... - Derek, l'm tired. l'm going home.
[sighs]
- What's going on? You paged. - [Meredith] Check your e-mail.
- For what? - HR.
lf you got cut, you'll have an e-mail.
l didn't get one, but l've been calm through this crisis.
l have been calm. But if one of us gets cut, l will not be calm.
- [inhales sharply] No e-mail. - l'm fine.
- l'm good, too. - [Meredith] Good! See? l knew it.
- l knew none of us would get cut. - Yet.
There's gonna be another round.
OK. So l'm there in the spleen repair with Dr. Hunt,
and he's got the cautery and he's moving it back and forth,
fixing bleeders. And then he just... hands it to me.
Like it's the most normal thing in the world to do.
Like l repair spleens all the time. And so l do it.
l repair the spleen on my own.
And l realize if we just focus on our jobs,
we focus on our patients, we're gonna be fine.
Megan got cut.
- l didn't, but she did. - What? How?
The chief sent out an e-mail.
He fired three quarters of our class.
We're having a baby.
[indistinct chattering]
Terry, it's been a pleasure working with you.
- Thanks. - Sorry about everything.
- Hey, hey. - What did l do wrong,
- so l can learn? - You didn't do anything wrong.
This is about the money.
[sighs]
l've been here seven years.
All my friends are here.
l'll find another job, but... seven years.
You have no idea.
If...
lf you need a job recommendation, anything, just call me, OK?
Hmm.
[sighs]
- Rough day? - l need some sleep.
- OK. Let's go home. - l can't. l just got kicked off Peds.
- l'm totally screwed. - Cristina...
l can't sleep. l can't.
l can't leave if she's not leaving.
[Meredith] We're all susceptible to it.
[quietly sobbing]
[Meredith] The dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming.
No way.
Are you serious?
l'm gonna go to the chief. l'll tell him you're the best second-year resident.
l'm safe.
l didn't get cut, Mark. l'm safe.
[Meredith] It's pointless in the end.
l hate, hate, hate this merger
because l hate long distance relationships.
l don't believe in them. So you can't move to Portland.
When l mentioned it this afternoon, you didn't seem to mind.
- You were like, ''Move to Portland.'' - l didn't know l was allowed to mind.
l didn't know if we were girlfriends. But then you said girlfriend.
You called me your girlfriend. So l need to know.
Am l your girlfriend?
Yeah.
OK. Good.
So you're not moving to Portland. No. What you are gonna do
- is go to the chief and beg... - l'm not gonna grovel.
Uh, yes, you are. Seriously, you don't want to mess with me.
[Meredith] Because all the worrying...
...and all the making of plans for things that could or could not happen...
- ...it only makes things worse. - l forgot he was dead today.
For a few hours in surgery, l forgot l had cancer
and l forgot he was dead.
But George is dead.
And you do have cancer.
l want you to keep doing what you love.
You're a great doctor.
And you have a fantastic future ahead of you.
But you gotta step up and start taking care of yourself.
You gotta take your meds, you gotta eat,
you gotta pace yourself.
Because l can't be your nurse.
l can't.
[Meredith] So walk your dog.
Or take a nap. Just, whatever you do,
- stop worrying. - l don't have time for games.
- l have to get back to the hospital. - She's right. She has to go back.
We're not talking about the hospital. We're playing baseball.
And drink beer. Drink your beer.
- [Derek] What more do you want in life? - How can l drink when my friends
- just got fired? - Sorry, l'm leaving.
- No. - You need this.
Put this on. That's right.
There we go.
- Here. Here. - No... No!
- Now, hit the ball! - l don't wanna hit the ball.
- Oh, my God! - Batter, batter...
What are you...?
Stop thinking about what's gonna happen. Focus on what's right in front of you.
Now, hit the ball!
[all cheering]
Oh, my God! l hit it! l hit it! Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! l hit it! - Wait, wait.
[Meredith] Because the only cure for paranoia...
- l hit it! - [Meredith] Now you like baseball.
Unbelievable. Here we go, let's go.
...is to be...
...here.
Just as you are.